After darkness set in, the strollers would then either declare themselves lost or simply afraid of critters and ghosts and call 911 for rescue. Sheriff's deputies would then be dispatched to go get the clueless souls. My friend Joe Jacobs of Arkansas Outside imagined that the call would go something like this:
911: How can we help you?
Lost soul: I'm lost in Two Rivers Park.
911: Where in Two Rivers Park
LS: on the River Trail
911: You know you're on the River Trail and in Two Rivers Park and you're lost?
LS: It's dark and I'm scared.
911: How old are you?
911: You're 35 years old and you're scared of the dark so you called 911? Is this a joke?
OK, not only did I steal Joe's material, but I paraphrased it because I deleted the e-mail.
What you see at Two Rivers Park on a moonless night (insert glowing eyes and the sound of rustling leaves.)
What you don't see. There are things to fear, as these bad boys are mostly nocturnal.
The current situation is that the Judge has asked me to pass the word that he is trying to come up with a workable policy to keep the clueless from wasting the resources of the sheriff's department while allowing responsible cyclists with lights access to the park at all hours. And if you run across some impatient deputies, just be nice. It's probably not you that they're looking for.